Happy to be Nappy?

I was looking through a magazine this morning and came across an idea for a book bin. It was essentially this. You make color copies of the front of some of your favorite picture books and slap them all over the outside of a big bin. Then you put books in it so the kiddos don't "have to pull the books off of the shelf". I won't even go into how stupid I think it is that we must spare our children the effort of pulling a book off of a shelf. But that is not what this post is about.

The title on one of the books was "Happy to be Nappy" and featured a little dark-skinned girl with . . . you guessed it . . . nappy ponytails. Now, I'm guessing that the author is a person of the dark-skinned variety. I'd stake money on it. Because if a person of the fair-skinned variety were to write a book with the word nappy in the title they'd be immediately accused of KKK and Arian Nation membership, they'd immediately be tarred and feathered, and they'd likely never work in this town again. That is assuming the book ever made it to publication in the first place, which is unlikely.

This BOTHERS me. The idea that it is somehow okay for one group of people to use derrogatory terms in reference to themselves but if anyone else uses the same terms they are racists. If t.v. and movies are any indication the "N" word (which is just horrible) is still alive and well, it's just that the only people who can say it anymore are . . . ? WHAT?

Just to save myself some time I'm going to henceforth refer to persons of the dark-skinned variety as black. It is not meant to be derogatorry, it just takes less time to type. I'm sorry, but I refuse to call them African Americans. No one has ever referred to me as an English American though some where in the past my ancestors were from England. It seems stupid as I have never been anywhere near England. Actually, I think I have some Indian ancestry as well so you can call me, what . . . an English Native American American? No thanks, I'm just an American. Most black people in the U.S. are just Americans. The term "black", while not really adequately describing their skin color, is simply a statement of differentiation the same as the term "white" applies to me but doesn't adequately describe my skin color. I'd call it more of a pasty, freckly peachish-pink.

I was in the car with my kids the other day and my daughter started to talk about one of her classmates, a black girl who has been her friend for several years. They've been in the same class together more than once, she's been to our house to play, and Gem has been invited to hers. She is definitely a minority where we live though we have a fair amount of diversity here. My children notice a difference in their skin color but we have always acted as if it were no big deal, so it isn't. In referring to her friend, Gem stumbled over what to call her. She started with "black" and then sortof stammered to "brown skinned" and ended with a feeble "whatever". It startled me. She is only nine years old and she already doesn't know what to say for fear of causing offense. She doesn't know why but she knows there are some terms that aren't politically correct so she's worried about hurting feelings. This isn't entirely a bad thing. I'm glad she's learning to choose her words carefully and desires not to cause hurt. What bothers me is that we have taken so many steps in our society so as to avoid offense that we are afraid to use descriptions. Well the truth is: Gem's friends looks different from us. She does. We look different from her.

If you ask me, the best way to stop giving offense is to stop taking it. The black community at large is doing better than it has ever done. There are true injustices that have been dealt in the past but those are largely gone now. Yes, predjudice is alive and well in some places but in most places it is disappearing. Black people have more opportunities than ever before and if we are honest with ourselves they have more opportunites than white people. White people cannot have their own colleges now. But black people can. Scholarships cannot be restricted to whites only but they can be restricted to blacks only. Don't even get me started on the NAACP, Black History Month and Affirimative Action.

Hubb and I sometimes joke that the best way to make it into professional schooling in this country is not to have good scores but to be a retarded black woman. No, it's not politically correct. I am usually not when I am trying to get a laugh. You'd have to know the whole history of our educational journey to get the joke probably. Sorry.

So despite the fact that I believe in equality I also believe in individuality. I believe in diversity and I believe in honesty. I don't believe that anyone is better or worse than anyone else. Sometimes I just want to scream from the rooftops "GET OVER IT!" Then maybe we can all just get along. I'll laugh with you at myself. You laugh with me at yourself. We'll all laugh at each other and appreciate our differences without getting stuck in the quagmire of appropriate terms and hurt feelings.